One is the only-est number. ..

I never understood why people would only want to have one child. . .I was an only child, so I have some experience with the matter.
My DH and I never dreamed of having a huge family--we have always talked about two kids and maybe a third. When I was pregnant and loving it (the first 8 1/2 months of my pregnancy, that is) I thought we could have, like, maybe four kids.
But when little Zane came into our lives, I had two thoughts:
1. In addition to being in absolute awe of what the female body is capable of doing, I was absolutely terrified that I might have an even bigger baby in a subsequent pregnancy.
AND
2. I was so completely in love with and happy with our one little guy, that I couldn't imagine having any more children. He is absolutely perfect--why would I need any more?
Case in point, this picture:

Now that we've had some time to recover from the initial feelings, I'm warming to the idea of being pregnant again (not any time soon, gosh, no!!!!!!) and having another baby so Zane has a sibling. (Like I said, I was an only child and I really didn't like it. Sorry, Mom and Dad, but that's the truth. I really needed someone else to take the heat off me. Blaming the dog only went so far. ..)

But I really can see now how couples decide to have only once child and are completely happy with an only. These days with all the play groups, activities, etc. even an "only" has tons of kids around to be more normal. I was not normal, but can only blame part of this on the "only child" syndrome.

And it's so funny that I had absolutely NO FEAR about birth and labor until AFTER I had a perfectly normal, completely uncomplicated, relatively EASY birth of a large baby. (By the way, Zane eludes the "large baby" moniker by a whopping 3 ounces--he would have had to be 9#15 to be classified as one of the "frightening" LARGE BABIES that OBs are so worried about these days.) But now the fear is creeping in, and it's taking all of my positive self-talk and meditation and Hypnobirthing to bring myself back to reality that "My baby is the perfect size for my body". I know my body will make the right size baby. I just have some fear that the next kid will be even bigger. Of course,that's not necessarily true. There's no rule that subsequent babies are larger. And I'm sure that if I maintain a better diet and exercise regime than with my first pregnancy (come on--I gained almost 50 lbs and didn't work out for like the whole first trimester; improvements can and will be made!!!) Besides, Bernadette, our midwife, told me after he was born, that I could actually have an even bigger baby because Z was born with his arm up along side his head. And with the DH's "large head" family genes, chances are the second baby will have a big ol' noggin. (Z has a normal-to-smaller size head, by the way--but in PERFECT proportion).

So I stop to thank God again for bringing us this perfect little man and an easy pregnancy and labor. If HE decides to bless us with more children, we will be exactly that--blessed. And I will not let the fear of a big baby ruin any part of the pregnancy or labor/birth. I might have more recovery next time--OR I might have a tiny little 6 pounder that is a breeze. You never know.

But we are enjoying the heck out of our little guy, that's for sure.

So when will we get started on the next one?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My two stipulations before trying for a second baby:

1. Only one child in diapers at a time.

2. We have to figure out how we can enjoy a second baby with as much attention and lavish affection as we have enjoyed Zane. I don't know how we will ever be able to do this, especially in moments when a diaper change turns into a 30 minute love fest with me just staring into those gorgeous eyes. How can I do that with a toddler buzzing around and needing just as much attention?

I'm not looking for answers now. . .I know many of you are incredibly successful mommies of multiples and you will have plenty of advice for enjoying all of your children equally when the time comes for us to address that issue.

But it will be SEVERAL YEARS until we cross that bridge. However, in true Type A, planner fashion, I'm already thinking about it.

It will take me a while to get over my irrational and unfounded fears about baby size, but I am really working on it. Positive thinking goes a long way, I know.

So that's all the time I want to give to blogging today, since it means time I am not completely enjoying my son. He's the best.

That whole thing about "my heart choosing to live outside my body" is true. Parenthood is absolutely amazing. Nothing like it. It's the absolute best. To be blessed with it once is a miracle. To be blessed more times, even better, I'm sure. We're just not ready for that yet!!!