September 11

I don't know how to write anything about today that will not be trite or silly or of narrow focus compared to the experiences of so many thousands who were impacted so greatly.
I didn't lose anyone or know anyone who suffered directly because of the events of 9/11 and their consequences.
I didn't have to wait the hours other waited to hear that loved ones were safe and alive. Or that they were not.
But I do remember. I will always remember.
As I sit here and hold my precious baby boy and think of all the mothers who lost sons that day and continue to lose children in our conflict in Iraq and beyond, I cry.
I weep for those who have been lost. Those who have suffered losses. For those who are heroes and those who are survivors.
There has been so much devastation in this country and beyond, and I wish I knew how it would all be resolved to come to peace, but I don't.
All I know, is that there is a whole lot of hope in this world.

And I know that I was fortunate to be with loved ones on September 11, 2001. I was a carefree single gal teaching high school Spanish at a new school next door to the awesome woman I would soon learn was my soul sistah (Barts, that's you) and across the hall from one of the most inspiring women I've ever known (Isa, that's you). I remember being in front of that classroom conjugating verbs, most likely, and hearing the commotion next door as Barts' husband alerted her to the news of the first crash and that they had to get their baby daughter out of the NASA daycare. My thoughts flew immediately to my friends Liz and Kalle, who were living and working and going to school in NYC. To my college friend, Matt, who lived and worked close to the Pentagon.
And then the principal came on the intercom and instructed us to "Turn on the tv's. This is history."
So there I was standing in front of a class of high-schoolers (who are prone to hysterics anyway--ever seen a high school fight?) trying to make sense of it all. Trying to stay calm and lead them through this horrific moment in their lives. They thought they were watching "Die Hard" on DVD. Kids asked me: "Is this real? Are people dying?"
Yes, it was all too real. Yes, people were dying. Yes, this unbelievable thing was happening before our eyes.
We all were numb for the rest of the day.
Any time a jet would sonic boom out of Ellington Field nearby, the kids would settle into a knowing hush. We all wondered "What, where would it be this time?"
Kids were terrified that family members working nearby at NASA or the ship channel or the petrochemical plants would be the victims of the next attack. Kids who had family living or working in New York or Washington or Pennsylvania were in hysterics. Cell phone communication broke down. And we live thousands and thousands of miles away in Texas.

9/11 really is a day the world stood still. And when people stood together.
I wish I was better at patriotism and being more eloquent about this day. Maybe things are just too raw. Maybe they just make so little sense I can hardly put things into words.
But I remember. And I will always remember. And maybe that's all I can do right now.
And I can hold on tight to my little boy and love him as much as I can.